crane violation

was droning today at @Shaw field and had two run-ins (fly-ins?) with cranes.


the first run-in (fly-in?): a large construction project is taking place on campus. amidst that building-site is a large crane that soars upwards with yellowish branches and breathes onto the shoulders of the janet wallace fine arts center. its arm can swing over jwall and neill hall so it is pretty imposing and you can feel it on the edges of your arms and the back of your head when you walk among or in those buildings. i flew the drone up and around the insides of the crane successfully a few times – that was intentional and was ok

the second run-in fly-in?): this one was not intentional and not ok. as i was droning up above shaw field a very very very very large bird flew past overhead – very far overhead. it had huge huge huge huge wings and long long long long legs dragging behind. Seemed like a crane even though (for no real reason) the word albatross kept shooting through my head. The drone was on its way up with this big fella came into view and though I wouldn’t call it a near-collision, I def invaded this bird’s airspace. It banked right with some pained, large, slow wing-flaps and my friend remarked that he could see the light through its wings, and that this bird seemed pretty large. I brought the drone down


So, to the metal crane – thanks for the giggles

to the flying crane – sorry 😦


[side note – videos were not filmed today]

Do you cry after caffeine intake?

I do. It’s weird

Coffee is a devilish drug with a tendency to cultivate dependence and craft caffeinated chains between itself and the user. As I type this I’m maybe a few ounces (probably 30-50mg of caffeine) into a cup of coffee &, as often happens, I started crying in what totaled to a brief 10-second spurt. Playing on my mental radio was a sudden dialogue with a formless stranger about how beautiful my cats are, how grateful for them, etc. An image of myself much older came to mind; I was seeing an old picture of the cats and hadn’t seen that old picture in some time and I was crying tears of gratitude.

This mental trip took place in less than 4-5 seconds, was profound, colorful, and detailed, and took me straight out of the room I was sitting in. There was a glowy feeling of being decades older and shown these gorgeous pictures of these gorgeous cats. It was less a thought process and more of a vision or fleeting headline on the newsreel of my frontal lobes.

It immediately passed and I felt funny for having had the experience yet again. Self aware, un-emotional, and nonreactive to what had just occurred. This type of thing occurs very often after coffee but it was quite some time before I realized that. I thought I was the type of person who had an early morning cry session, or a few chaotic ones (always of about 10-20 seconds maximum) but the link with caffeine became clear after a long period of daily journaling. Will post an excerpt soon but just wanted to leave this note here for myself later. With that said, I’m off to finish this coffee

Schizoaffective disorders, subvocalizations, & the shits

The best thoughts come within the first 12-14 minutes of early morning caffeine intake.  Unfortunately, early morning caffeine intake has other consequences too. This morning as a cheap & acidic stream of Maxwell House shot downwards from my eat-tube to my toilet-hole I started thinking about a walk I took this past winter.

crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch

(pause) (reads sign) Portland Avenue

crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch

Very descriptive, right? On the particular afternoon that came to mind it was sunny, cold, with plenty of snow on the ground (and no clouds in the sky). I was walking towards Grand Avenue from Selby avenue and thinking about some research that I’d read earlier in that day. The reason I’m telling you about this sunny, cold, snowy afternoon is that for some reason, roughly 12-14 minutes into my coffee session this morning, my brain began buzzing about the amazing research I read back on that day. But ye olde brain’s way of doing that was to recollect the walk that I took after first reading that research: along with the abstract, came the crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch of the snow that day. Along with the study design came the (pause) (reads sign) Portland Avenue, and along with the findings of their research came the crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Isn’t the hippocampus fucking strange?

On to the research. On that snowy afternoon I’d been reading something about using microphones to pick up subvocalizations taking place in human vocal cords. The way of doing this was simple enough – taping microphones to peoples’ throats. The consequences were astounding: even in the absence of audible speech patterns, one can record (and then amplify) a signal from a throat-mic and sort of hear what the person is thinking. In other words – even when we aren’t speaking, many of our thoughts engage in some sort of a phantom jam session with the skin on our throats. Isn’t that fucked up? Luckily, some clever group of people quickly had the notion to apply this laboratory tool to folks with psychiatric ailments. Ruminative speech – be it organized, chaotic, excessive, or absent – is one of the traits I immediately associate with nutters such as myself. A very large part of the reason I’ve kept thorough audio diaries for about 4-5 years now is my (yet unchecked) belief that speech patterns reveal much about the state of one’s brain at the time. Though they already serve as a valuable personal record it’s my suspicion that this stash of audio diaries will, in time, be a sort of retroactive diagnostic tool. Or if not a diagnostic tool, some indicator of some aspect of brain functioning or brain structure at that time. Let it be known now, in 2018- anyone with half a mind to studying psychiatry or affective illness ought to realize that a microphone probably offers as much or more to the researcher about structural & functional brain states – within or between individuals – than does the fMRI.

So what’s the relevance of this throat-microphone trick, & where do nutters like myself come in? (PS, if you aren’t a diagnosed nutter, you aren’t allowed to call nutters like myself nutters. It’s sort of an in-group thing)

Let’s find out.

Auditory hallucinations and subvocal speech