Category: Thoughtsmoke

A winter poem

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Oh! An alert to dread! Read about my chilled terror, a misery – oh, frigid adjectives shuffling meaningfully

Here’s the second line now, and with it I lament of an ‘approaching coldness’ and it makes you think about winter and how much it sucks

snow, brr

and so on

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Sleep phases

In reverse chronological order:

19) Feel a momentary crunch of the small bits of eggshells embedded in your scrambled eggs. Think about easter. Type about it

18) Watch that rubbery pile of protein wobble. Realize silently that you forgot that water.

17) Use your hand. Germ theory is overrated

16) Fuck forks

15) *awful metal sound of fork scraping off the rim of the plate, awful cold feeling of fork on the inside of my forefinger*

14) Sit-fall down into the couch. Think of how accomplished you already are

13) A moment of guilt as you walk past your cats with any type of food: you know they don’t really eat your eggs, but one of the cats at least wants to, even though he just ate his food, , , , , ,

12) Hope that your cats won’t burn themselves on the burner. Put another pot of water on it as it’s cooling off. Don’t forget to bring some water over to the couch in the living room.

11) Eggs done – you resisted dusting them with salt – in your mind a toilet flushes and carries with it dissolving bits of ‘i’m not hypertensive but hey I skipped the salt, good job me’

10) Heat a pan (hear Anthony Bourdain’s voice saying pre-heated. Look at the 2 eggs you removed from the fridge and (hear Anthony Bourdain’s voice saying intermediate, uh, vessel) decide not to use a separate vessel for the eggs. Wonder if Anthony Bourdain would be weirded out that his voice comes into your head as you’re cooking eggs. Cook the eggs.

9) Be a fucking man already

8) Stare at blueberries and strawberries. Stare at freezer. Stare at blueberries and strawberries. Stare at freezer. (they are in the freezer and so you are looking at the frozen blueberries and strawberries inside of the freezer) Let out your first big yawn of the morning. Gleek onto the rim of the freezer. Smile and feel your face stretch in a weird way and think about crow’s feet. Remember that you need to eat. Remember that strawberries and blueberries won’t get you too far.

7) Remember that you need to eat

6) Flush your old coffee grounds and filter down the toilet and make sure that you don’t feel guilty about it whatsoever. Your coffee machine gurgles

5) Get up now you are feeding your cats now you realize you’re fucked get into the kitchen

4)

3)

2) After you agree to sleep separately you take some Benadryl to pass out. You take two benadryl to pass out. Instead they jazz you up for a while until

1) Tell your girlfriend she can’t come over, even if you’d like to sleep next to her. You are already so tired

I knew not to stand up

but I stood up anyways.

I knew not to feed the cats

but I fed them anyways.

I knew not to take my meds

but I took them anyways.

I knew I should smoke (instead of resisting),

but I resisted anyways.

I knew not to stay awake

but I stayed awake anyways.

I knew not to eat breakfast

but I ate breakfast anyways.

I knew not to exercise

but I exercised anyways.

I knew not to shower

but I showered anyways.

I knew not to shower or shave

but I showered and shaved really well anyways.

I knew not to go to class

but I went to class anyways.

I knew not to stay in class

but I stayed in class anyways.

I know that after all of this I’m not supposed to feel shitty

but after all of this I feel shitty anyways.

Playing with Clay

Even dancers can’t dance like he did. Sometimes, especially lately, his words go buzzing between my ears. “The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” This video is really pretty. The smack of the gloves at 1:07 is the most electrifying feeling on earth. I hope everyone, in their busy lives and busy worlds, has their own way of feeling that smack

 

 

Creating a moment

Sitting on campus by the rock garden outside of Olin-Rice. A couple has a professional photographer taking pictures of them with their puppy – or, on closer inspection, perhaps just a tiny little dog. It’s interesting to watch.

There is a bench just left to the stairs leading up to Olin-Rice’s north-facing door. Theyve spent a few moments over there as the sun passes in and out of clouds, going back and forth between blurry and broily. It’s humid. The dog’s tongue is visible from here

They are climbing down the small slanted bit of grass between the sidewalk and the edge of the building. The basement windows of Olin-Rice overlook a meager 1 or 2 feet of rocks followed by a wall of grass – from the sidewalk, you have to peer down to see that the windows do indeed have offices inside of them. The dog-couple and dog-couple-photographer are walking along this largely unappreciated stone track, using the shade to their advantage.  Maybe the photographer’s wide-brimmed hat is, well, to aid in their photography? I’m not sure.

 

As for me – 1/2way through a YouTube video on the pharmacology of lamotrigene. I’ve watched it before but this morning when I was making breakfast didn’t feel like I had properly memorized its contents, so here I am again. It’s downloaded on a flash drive so that I can keep an eye on it. sodium-gated ion channels!