I knew not to stand up

but I stood up anyways.

I knew not to feed the cats

but I fed them anyways.

I knew not to take my meds

but I took them anyways.

I knew I should smoke (instead of resisting),

but I resisted anyways.

I knew not to stay awake

but I stayed awake anyways.

I knew not to eat breakfast

but I ate breakfast anyways.

I knew not to exercise

but I exercised anyways.

I knew not to shower

but I showered anyways.

I knew not to shower or shave

but I showered and shaved really well anyways.

I knew not to go to class

but I went to class anyways.

I knew not to stay in class

but I stayed in class anyways.

I know that after all of this I’m not supposed to feel shitty

but after all of this I feel shitty anyways.

Falling asleep on my floor

The movie continues

Rewinding is not an option, nor is pausing. You can’t press stop if you want to see the ending

The colors are twisting

A technicolor experience, viewed from right there inside your own skull. Grab your barf bag and carry on

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The guilt is looming

You will never escape the 80-year hallmark aisle unless you hop the shelves. But then, everyone around you has to pick up the cards. Keep walking

The pen dangles

An entire lifetime pretending to be the author. When the book closes you haven’t written a page – you’ve barely read a few words. So drop the book and start another